Best Decision After/During Miscarriage
The best decision I made after miscarriage was to include my community. My natural inclination is not to tell others when I’m struggling. I think there’s definitely a time to just keep things between us and the Lord. Miscarriage is not one of those times. It’s already dark and lonely enough, it’s okay to use someone else’s flashlight through this tunnel. Let your people be there for you. Let them cook, watch your other kids, clean, lay hands and pray, or just sit with you in the quiet with messy hair and no shower for days. I realize not everyone has community or family around them. That can make things extra difficult, I know. This is a huge reason the our Heavenly Father designed the church, so we could bear one another’s burdens. There’s another sermon there, but I’ll get into that another time.
The point is we have deep need in that time and it’s more than okay to accept all the help. Many may not realize your suffering if you don’t let it be known. This takes radical humility. Reach out. This will aid in a balm over your heart. Lest we not forget we have an enemy, the enemy of our Mighty God Yeshua, who is after our souls. He would much rather you keep this in the dark and suffer, shy away from the Lord Yeshua, from friends, from going to church, and get bitter, and develop deeper unbelief of your God’s Holy power in your life. He’d like to convince you that you are alone, no one cares or can relate to you. When in fact that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He is the father of lies. We most definitely need the people around us during these times who can read scripture to us when we can’t, who will speak life over us when we cannot see the light of day, and who will sit at the feet of the cross with us reminding us that our savior redeemer lives.
I was very blessed to belong to a wonderful homeschool group at the time and I was close to all the moms and our youngest was friends with all of the families children. Some watched our son so I could go to some doctor appointments not appropriate for him to attend, one cooked for us in our home, some brought flowers and just sat with me, and some brought soup. The homeschool group ordered us the most beautiful bereavement box by Laurel Box. Some put together the sweetest, most lovely celebration of life for our little girl at our home. We also belong to an amazing church. Our pastor and his wife, I’ve known for now for 17 years, came to spend time with me, just sit pray, and lay hands over me. My far away friends all called and checked in with me often. I needed every last bit of that support, and so do you. Don’t deprive yourself of it.
Miscarriage is nothing we ever expect or want to think about. Community means the world when we find ourselves in these types of situations. That can be exceedingly difficult when we are far away from family or just estranged, living in a brand new area where we haven’t been able to establish ties yet. Do what you can even if it’s just reaching out to a local church you don’t even attend to see what resources they might have for you.
After a live birth the mother and baby heal each other through skin to skin, breastfeeding, and all the oxytocin. After a miscarriage, we don’t have any of that. That makes healing that much more challenging physically and emotionally. The truth is now that I think about it I didn’t involve people enough or voice my and our family’s needs loud enough. My situation lasted longer than most. It was a really difficult and dark time. I was dealing with a bad respiratory infection at the same exact time. I wrestled with both physically for about 2 and a half to three weeks. I wasn’t able to be up for long at all. I wasn’t capable of cooking. Meanwhile I am a SAHM to our son and I homeschool him. My elderly father lives with us, he has doctors appointments almost weekly, and I couldn’t drive him. I will go into more detail in a following blog about what happened in our story after the miscarriage.
The point to all this is I love you, Momma! If you are going through a miscarriage right now, or you know someone who is, or you did but it was months ago, or even years ago. Please know your grief is valid. You will feel better. You also never have to stop missing and loving your baby. That baby’s life counts no matter how long you were pregnant.
For all moms ages 30-50, wellness coaching packages are available for moms of miscarriage or moms just wanting to grow. If you love Jesus, want Him to be apart of your health journey every step of the way, and you want to steward your health naturally, then I’d love to meet you in a free discovery call to see if we’d be a good fit for each other!
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