Healthy Relationships
Our culture has adopted the obsessive use of the words narcissist, triggered, and gaslighting. I understand those things happen, those people are out there, but it’s actually not the norm. Social media just wants you to think is to create division. I’ve known the narcissist and I’ve been gaslighted. On the flip side it is so sad how “me” focused our culture has become though that we can no longer have a difference of opinion, even in parenting (no, directing our children in the way they should go is not gaslighting, correction is not gaslighting), and we no longer know how to go to our brother and sister to work it out. We automatically assume everyone is out to get us. There needs to be some serious balancing here. We need to stop living like we are in an episode of mean girls all of the time.
If we want meaningful relationships, of any kind, then we have to do the work. That doesn’t just happen. We need to spend time really getting to know that person, be willing to break the bounds of what is convenient when they have a need, and understand they might bother us, get on our nerves, or even say something we don’t like at times. That doesn’t mean the relationship should stop there. We then get to be in charge of how whatever that was that made us feel a certain way and how much energy we are going to direct towards it as well as how honest we want to get about it with that individual. If we aren’t going to address it with that person, then we need to let it go, not harbor it away so it can fester like an out of control virus. If we are going to address it, then the perspective of understanding that most people have good intentions and wouldn’t intentionally say or do something with ill will toward us is prudent and healthy.
Mathew 18: 15-17 says, “If your brother does something wrong to you, go to him. Talk alone to him and tell him what he has done. If he listens to you, you have kept your brother as a friend.16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two others with you to talk to him. Then two or three people will hear every word and can prove what was said.17 If he does not listen to them, tell the church. If he does not listen to the church, treat him as one who does not believe in God and as bad as a tax collector.”
It’s not to say that there are not people with vindictive or malicious natures out there, of course that exists, but we cannot have healthy relationships with that mindset of being on the defensive line all of the time. We need to with discernment remain open. In that space we can build healthy boundaries. It’s important to be able to look at an action or words used to say or instead come the thought process of I understand your intention was not bad, but when you did xyz, it hurt me because xyz. Then through that discussion you can both dig deeper into understanding each other and grow. Oftentimes people do things or says that have nothing to do with us, but because of our past hurts we can assume it does.
We are far too quick to cut individuals out of our lives due to disagreements or misunderstandings that if the uncomfortable hard work of going through the situation is done, then something beautiful could really be created. The enemy is the father of lies who seeks to steal, pillage, and destroy. He wants to convince you that you are better off alone, and isolation is actually detrimental to our wellbeing. The body of Christ needs each other. This is a huge reason why attending a church body regularly is so important. We need to depend on each other. That’s a topic right there on its own though, church hurt, working through it, and getting past it. Understand the enemy wants you isolated. Don’t give him that power.
I pray right now for the body Christ, His true believers that our hearts would become like His. I pray that we’d have deeper wisdom, be slow to speak, be full of compassion, fear would leave, and love as He calls us to do so. In the name of Yeshua, I pray. Amen.